Existential Angst

My blog is to honor my father and children that have passed away as I search for meaning in their loss.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Where We Are

I’ve had a long hiatus from my blog. I wished I could say it was because everything was going so well that I just didn’t need to write about it. In March, my wife and I lost another pregnancy at 32 weeks. After the successful birth of our son, we thought all of our problems were behind us. This loss was particularly devastating because it was without any explanation. She seemed to have just died one morning. A week before we had seen the preeminent neonatal specialist in the state who gave us the hope that this pregnancy was fine.

While my wife was trying to give birth a wonderful nurse told us something unusual. She said that she believed that on another plain of existence we made a deal to carry my daughter for as long as she could stay even though we knew that the stay would be brief. We agreed to give her the chance at life. It sounded like something we’d do, but it takes a lot faith to believe in such a thing. I think it was the fact she had so much faith that we all felt it and it made her such a wonderful nurse. I don’t know about other plains of existence but I do know some people are right where they should be.

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